Humility and how I attained it!!

We all have heard this line haven't we? It's the name of the book many have said they have written.

Humility is a fascinating theme. It is said that if you think you have achieved a measure of It --- that in itself is a sure sign that you have not! Our culture is very much an entitlement-minded kind of world. My daughter, who works at a university, believes that the sense of entitlement exhibited by students seems to be rising with each year's incoming class of new students. Older adults seem to think the same. We seem to think someone owes us something. It is the very opposite of humility.



I am reading a fascinating book by Tony Dungy, the former NFL coach, entitled Uncommon. The book answers the question, what does it take to live a life of significance? One of the chapters is about humility and stewardship. Dungy talks about the fine line between confidence and pride. Pride is all about me. Confidence as Dungy sees it, is not about me but about using gifts and abilities I have been blessed with to their fullest. It is also about using these gifts and abilities to help my team and impact others.

Years ago Lee Iococca wrote about a similar concept but approached the topic in terms of ego. In his mind a strong ego is a sign of a healthy, confident, well-adjusted individual. A person with a big ego on the other hand is one who is full of himself/herself. A strong ego is essential to live well. A big ego irritates others and repels them from us.

People who express their anger at the government these days do not do so primarily from a partisan standpoint. They are venting their anger because they believe that those elected to serve them, have somehow lost their way. Politicians have become obsessed with power and control. Servant leadership, although a popular buzz word, is an endangered species in political capitols. Humility and politics may seem almost an oxymoron to many of us.


How do people view you? I am not asking you whether you think you are a humble person. How can we answer that one about ourselves? The more important question is, do others think of you as humble? Consider some interesting comments and perspectives on humility written by men and women over the years.

To be humble to superiors is duty, to equals courtesy, to inferiors nobleness. Benjamin Franklin

Humility is like underwear; essential, but indecent if it shows. Helen Nielson

The more you lose yourself in something bigger than yourself, the more energy you will have. Norman V. Peale

Our best thoughts come from others. Ralph Waldo Emerson

I like Emerson's quote. When I was in graduate school one professor often warned us about originality. He maintained that if we thought we had an idea that no one ever had thought of before, we would likely be wrong.

Humility is the foundation of all other virtues, hence in the soul in which this virtue does not exist there cannot any other virtue except in mere appearance. St. Augustine

Wear your learning like a watch, in a private pocket, and do not pull it out and strike it merely to show that you have one. Lord Chesterfield

I used to smile when friends earned doctoral degrees. Almost immediately, many ordered new check books and business cards to be sure that the title "Dr." appeared before their name. Others never let their academic accomplishments go to their heads.

Pride makes us artificial and humility makes us real. Thomas Merton It is always the secure who are humble. Gilbert Chesterton I like this one too. It is good to live life with nothing to prove. When science discovers the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to find they are not it. Bernard Baily

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

Lord, where we are wrong, make us willing to change, where we are right, make us easy to live with. Peter Marshall

He who is in love with himself will have no rivals.

Humble people are delightful to be around. Humble people are successful in life and in business. Want to have a conversation about humility? I invite you to contact me at rick@icarecoaching.com.

Dr. Rick Penner
Copyright May 2009

PLAYING IT SAFE OR RISKING IT ALL!

This is an age-old dilemma. How many of us have a secret longing to throw the dice, go for it all, take a chance, but, ... we never do so because we are afraid to take the risk?


In the course of my work I encounter many such people. What might your life be like if you really went out on a limb, trusted your intuition and took some chances? Over the years, I have had imaginary conversations with God that take place when I am an old man (decades into the future of course). God says to me, "Son, let me show you what your life WOULD have been like, if you had really trusted me and been willing to take a risk, step out, or whatever." Then as God describes that scenario I wonder how close to that potential I am really living. It inspires me and gives me the "kick" to get out and continue to dream and cast visions.

I like to read inspiring biographies. Men and women who took risks, overcame great obstacles and remained persistent in their pursuit of a dream or a passion, move me deeply. Sam Walton inspires me. Kelly Fitzgerald, in writing about him begins by saying, "Sam Walton was a man who took chances, never said never, and kept on fighting the odds! "

We all know the rest of the story. With $5000 he had saved and $20,000 borrowed from his banker, rancher father-in-law, Walton purchased his first store and the rest is history. Well not really... Walton did not always achieve great successes. The landlord who owned the first building used by Walton charged an unreasonable amount of rent and refused to renew the lease when it came up. A few of Walton's endeavors did not result in profits and successes. But he learned as he went along and never gave up.

I work with several people currently who are by their nature artists and creative dreamer types of individuals. The "normal" 9 to 5 routine is not for them. They have tried that and while it paid their bills, it was not satisfying. There was something inside that was waiting to come out. There was a certain kind of spirit that wished to spread its wings and soar. But that is so risky. Imagine ending a job that pays a regular salary and hoping that writing, creating music, painting, developing a new business, etc will be sufficient to pay bills and hopefully a little more!

I know it is easy for me to sit on the sidelines and encourage others to "take the plunge." But, I believe I know at least something of what this is about. After 30 years in one area of work, I made a rather drastic change. It was terrifying at first. I thought (wrongly) that I had no other skills to offer. I only was trained for one thing. Now that some years have gone by I can say honestly that I feel fulfilled, content, and amazed at how good life is.


Please consider a few thoughts that have been useful to me:

1. Don't wait until you are 85 to make a change. Go for it! If something in your spirit is making you restless, if there is a powerful curiosity about a way of life you have always admired but thought could never be yours, then go for it! Today's missed opportunity could be tomorrow's regret! I know many such people who now say, "IF only...!" Act today, so you will never have to say "if only..."

2. We must think outside of the box! This expression is becoming a cliche but it is profoundly true. We become blinded to what exists outside our world. My sense is that the more trained or educated we become, the narrower our world becomes. A liberal education should not have this effect but it does. I have served on university boards and have contact with people who are very well educated and highly proficient in their area of expertise or business. But herein also lies a problem: that area of expertise can become very narrow. We live in a big beautiful world. There is so much out there. To begin to think about new paradigms and new "boxes" I suggest:
a. Take time to dream about what you might find interesting. Make lists.
b. Read more broadly. Research the internet.
c. Seek out people who live in very different worlds and ask them questions. Be a learner.
d. Travel outside your country.
e. Try new hobbies.

3. Redefine failure. This has been difficult for me and has kept me from taking risks. I wanted to be certain of the outcome before I would venture forth. I am coming to understand that failure is being knocked down once more than we are willing to lift ourselves up. You can fall 6 times but you are not a failure unless you only get up 5 times. I am learning to truly believe this. Most every great man or woman in business, politics, athletics, church life, education, and so on, will acknowledge a time or time of misery and setbacks. Instead of allowing these setbacks to paralyze and intimidate, they rose above them and learned from them to press over onward.

4. Talk to people who work with career adjustments and transitions. You will find this very valuable. I found great encouragement and learned that there are transferable skills and life experiences that can be very helpful and applicable in new situations.

5. Spend a good deal of time figuring out how your skill sets or experiences can be applied in other areas of life. For example, a good friend was forced to retire from missionary work due to failing health. Upon returning to his home country he discovered that his church was not overly impressed with his credentials (even though they were considerable). He was quite discouraged and struggled for some time. One day he felt useful and was fully engaged and the next he felt like he had been tossed on the scrap heap. After some time he talked with people in a local community college and within a short time he was teaching courses on comparative religions and other subjects. He had discovered a new outlet, outside of his old box, that enabled him to utilize his academic and pedagogical skills. He became once more a happy man.

6. Start small. Take baby steps, then walk and then learn to run. Stepping away from comfort is scary. Don't pack up the family and move to another continent next week. That could be disastrous. Begin by reflecting and meditating. In an ideal world what would you like to be doing? If money were no object at all, what would you be doing? For what would you leap out of bed each morning? As your list develops begin by tackling some of the items you describe.

Recently I had a conversation with a man aged 57. He said he was trying to "hang on" for 7 more years so he could retire. "In all honesty", he said, "if I could I would quit tomorrow!" My friend is just existing. This is so sad to me. Those 7 years may be the longest years of his life. He is beginning to probe some other paths and courses of action that he might pursue.

Now I realize going from the comfort zone to something new may seem like jumping off a cliff. Perhaps it is even worse. When we jump off a cliff we can usually see the bottom. In what I am advocating, it may not be possible to know what the "bottom" looks like. Perhaps it will be shark-infested waters. We may not know. It is terrifying. But what if you never try? Then you will never know for sure. Your jump could take you to a place where your life long dreams, aspirations and desires are at last in congruity with how you spend your day. Life does not get better than that.

Obviously we must be prudent and thoughtful. We must count the cost and make good preparations to minimize the risks. I realize that and would never advocate fool hardy moves from one career to another or from one job to a vague, murky promise of an income. There is a fine line between brilliant risk-taking and stupidity!!

My purpose is to push you a little! Do not wait until it is too late to do the things you have always dreamed of doing and seeing the places you have always dreamed of seeing!

Do not allow the words "IF ONLY" to characterize you in your old age. You can still do something about your life today! You may not be able to tomorrow. Go for it!!

Want to chat about this? I would be delighted to listen to your dreams and aspirations and also your fears and trepidations. You can contact me at rick@icarecoaching.com.

Dr. Rick Penner
Copyright February 2009

The Devil is in the details!
(Read the Fine Print!)

So where does this expression come from? Apparently it started out as "God is in the details!" We could say these expressions reflect opposite results of the same phenomena. If God is in the details then we think of opportunities for creativity and growth that result from exploring the details about something. If the devil is in the details, the suggestion is that details of a project can result in failure and ruin.

Today, we tend to hear more often that the devil is in the details. Ludwig Mies van der Rohe (1886-1969) is alleged by some to have coined the phrase. Certainly he is one who often quoted it. Mies was an architect. Another architect sometimes regarded as the "inventor" of the phrase is Le Corbusier. These two, along with Frank Lloyd Wright, are known as the paternal triumverate of 20th Century architecture, and it is easy to see that an architect would see the value of details. One of the sayings of Mies that I enjoy particularly is "Architecture starts when you carefully put two bricks together." There it begins. I suppose the emphasis for Mies would be on "carefully."


"The devil is in the details" can be understood in various ways:

1. Even the grandest project depends on the success of its smallest component.
2. Even the smallest details can cause failure.
3. However well intentioned a project or idea, bad and unexpected things will inevitably come up that will destroy the original idea.
4. Whatever we do should be done thoroughly. Details are important.
5. Solutions break down when they are examined closely.
6. The hard part of what we do is in the many small details.
7. Overlooking small things now will cause problems later on.

All are really variations of the same theme. My purpose today is to make the point that details are critical to our success. Ignoring, glossing over, or minimizing details can cost us dearly in the end. Recently a friend of mine had problems with his car. He took it to a dealer's service department and was given the bad news that he would need either a head gasket repair or an entirely new engine. He wisely took his car to another shop. There the technician discovered that the spark plugs were still the original ones and that style in particular was hard to remove and was thoroughly fouled up. New spark plugs took care of the problem. Small details? Sure! In this case finding the details saved my friend thousands of dollars.


In industry, in politics, and in every area of life, details can kill us. Politicians campaign in lofty, convincing, and glowing language about the changes they will bring. Does anyone stop to ask for the details? Not usually. Legislators pass bills that they assume their staff have read but that they personally know little about. Credit card companies try to entice us with attractive offers that appeal to the unsuspecting. The fine print often reveals extremely high interest rates that become effective 6 months or a year AFTER the person has acquired the card. I found the internet filled with dozens of articles and blogs about the "devil is in the details." Topics range from environmental and climate issues, anti-virus technology, the building of sports complexes and who pays for them, economic issues, and on and on.


What about your business or career? Are you being hurt because details are ignored? Do you have someone with a sharp eye and sharp pencil who goes over the fine print for you or with you? Is your staff free to ask questions or raise concerns?

Some ideas that I find helpful are:

1. Make sure your work "culture" allows for free and easy exchange of information. There are workplace environments where the staff does not dare to raise questions or express opinions. We all have blind spots. Visionaries, take-charge leaders, and entrepreneurs often overlook or regard as irritants, these small details of a project. You need someone who knows how to ask questions and who has the freedom to do so. Such people, while they may seem to slow down our progress and appear to be negative minded, can really be worth their weight in gold. The LIFO® Survey instrument which I often use, is especially adept at discovering whether these dynamics are present on a staff or board. It is not natural for certain types of leaders to seek out the counsel of those we sometimes call the "bean counters," but not to do so is to invite peril and potential loss.

2. It is not enough to highlight a new business plan, a new vision, or a resolution for the new year for that matter, by articulating a few "bullet" statements in a memo. Without details your vision will result in confusion. You need a script. You will need to provide a setting for your staff to hear your ideas and to interact with them, ask questions, challenge them, and thus come to own them as you do.

3. Take a look at job descriptions. Are the roles clearly defined? Do the people know to whom they are to report? As conditions change, are job descriptions and policies changed to fit the new paradigms? I find sometimes in working with groups that there are many assumptions and expectations that are not supported by documentation. This will ultimately lead to problems

4. Always read the fine print! In the computer world, we are getting accustomed to simply hitting the "I agree to the terms and conditions" icon without ever reading what the terms and conditions are. What exactly are you agreeing to?

I think this statement by the late Edward R Murrow applies to what I am writing about.
"The newest computer can merely compound, at speed, the oldest problem in the relations between human beings, and in the end the communicator will be confronted with the old problem of what to say and how to say it."

Another saying that may be even more to the point is the line often quoted by former President Ronald Reagan. In regard to matters like nuclear disarmament and honoring of international treaties he insisted that, we should "trust but verify!"

Have you "been burned" by ignoring the fine print? Perhaps you are about to be hurt that way. Did you move quickly to a new project or venture before all the details were really known to you? Want to talk about it? You can reach me at rick@icarecoaching.com or you can use the contact part of my website.

Dr. Rick Penner
Copyright January 2009